On attending a spectacular sporting event

Last night I took in a fine baseball game played by the Twins of Minnesota and the White Sox of Chicago. I also had the privilege of sitting in corporate seats beneficently given to my office. I brought my camera.

Not a bad view.

D-SPAN2.

Jason Screwbel.

Even though he now plays for the stupid and lame White Sox, and even though he was the villain in Little Big League, I will always have a soft spot for Ken Griffey Jr.

In addition to these fantastic still images, I recorded some thrilling moving-picture footage.

Little Nicky and Gogogomez don't do what I tell them.

Uptown Joe seals the deal.

It was a glorious victory for the Twins, made even better by the ridiculous seats. I love baseball so much!

On bridges and traffic and teen pop sensations

I have two thoughts for today:

1. The new 35W bridge finally opened last week. Why is traffic now worse on I94 than it was before? It doesn't make any flippin' sense.
2. I was listening to Pandora today at work, and a Hannah Montana song came on. I was shocked and outraged that Pandora would pick something so insulting, and immediately switched it to a hip hop channel to reclaim some of my lost masculinity. But I still can't help but feel ashamed... apparently some of the music I listen to is only one step removed from Disney Channel offal. I think I need to thoroughly examine some of my listening habits.

On the nation's capitol

I spent the weekend in Washington D.C. Here is my trip in five pictures:

gates of hell/subway

tiny robot in crosswalk

Lisette

Chadian embassy

running of the presidents

Yep, that just about covers it. What an adventure!

On the kinky living dead

I went to a bar last night in the Northeast neighborhood of Minneapolis. I was sitting with my friends outside on the patio, and we began to notice an inordinate number of zombies on the sidewalk. There are always a few zombies around somewhere, but there were way more than I am used to seeing out and about.

As it turned out, it was zombie/fetish night at the club next door. Unfortunately I didn't make it inside because there was a cover charge (I am fundamentally opposed to paying covers), but I managed to meet a few of the zombie fetishists that were staggering around out front.

This couple dressed very conservatively

From what I heard, it was mostly just a regular dance club with everybody wearing zombie makeup. But there were also some, shall we say, more "exclusive" rooms where stranger events were transpiring.

Yes, this was also one of the more conservative outfits

It also sounded like the club has a different theme each week. The theme for next week is going to be The Gong Show. It's pretty impressive that they can go from zombie/fetish night one week to Gong Show night the next. That's the definition of versatility.

But I wonder if the same people that dressed as S&M zombies last night will participate in a corny talent show next week? Which is more degrading? Or are all of the Gong Show acts going to be centered around sexual deviancy? As long as there isn't a cover, I plan on finding out!

SAUCY BABY

THIS BABY IS VERY SAUCY!

But on the real, I've been watching this video for like 15 minutes straight. I don't know why it isn't the most popular thing on youtube. IT'S JUST SO SAUCY!

On smart people doing potentially stupid things

So this Wednesday, a bunch of nerds are going to blow up the earth. Maybe. They are doing some sort of mega-experiment where they shoot particles at each other so they explode and form pretty lights and neat patterns. I got a D- in physics in high school, so I don't really understand what it is they are doing or why. Or at least, I didn't understand until I watched this spectacular video that explains exactly what they are doing:

Apparently the project has been criticized by numerous experts because there is an outside chance that it could create a black hole that would literally destroy the entire planet.

Wait, the entire planet? What? Now once again, I am not a scientist, but don't we need the planet to, I don't know, live? And even if it's extremely unlikely to happen, doesn't the fact that this thing might literally kill every single person everywhere AND wreck all of their stuff make it a little risky? I don't want to die and then have my stuff wrecked because some science guy wanted to see what would happen when this thing smashed into that thing.

Someone needs to make another youtube rap video to assuage my fears.

On the Great Minnesota Get Together, Part II: Robot Edition

In order to celebrate finally opening a franchise in Minnesota after subjecting it to their lame commercials for years and years, Sonic Drive-In decided for some diabolical reason to unleash this terrifying robot at the State Fair. Do you hear the high-pitched buzz at the end? That's the robot charging its lasers. Hundreds dead. Thousands wounded. The State Fair in ruins. Go to hell, Sonic.

On the Great Minnesota Get Together

I went to the Minnesota State Fair on Sunday. It was hot and smelly and crowded, just like a fair should be. For anyone who has never been, the primary objective when going to the fair is to eat as many random fried things on sticks as can be found. The secondary objective is to wander around and look at things. I took some pictures. Here they are with HILARIOUS captions!

Every single person in this picture is wondering what he/she is going to eat next.

This picture accurately captures everything about Minnesota and the Minnesota State Fair.

This pig won some sort of piggy competition put on by the 4-H club. The prize? Being purchased by Hormel Foods!

Oh, that's not very tasteful. I'm sorry.


This is America.


No, I take that back. This is America! Aw hell yeah!


They just called... they're out of you! Hahaha!


This is just a small child on a leash.


Still wondering what they are going to eat.