Electrified dual-wheel cycling apparatus from the moon!

I would really like one of these things. Too bad they cost more than my car.

...okay, I've been thinking about this for a few minutes, and what the hell? I mean it's a really nice hi-tech piece of bicycle, but the cheapest one is $5000. The most expensive one is $13000.

$13,000?!? How in the world can it cost that much? What, is it made from special moon rocks or something? Is it built on the moon by moon people, and they need to cover the expenses of all their moon rockets and paying off all of the crooked moon union goons? I don't get it.

Some sort of blue!

I don't know what color works best.

On being treated like an adult

My Dad went shopping today. He bought me a box of official careerbuilder.com™ brand "Business Paper" on which to print my fantastic resume, a box of official careerbuilder.com™ brand "Business Envelopes" in which to mail my fantastic resume, and a pile of stamps with which to pay first-class postage fees when mailing my fantastic resume. He also bought me some sort of filing box and file folders in which to store all of my "important documents" (his words). Then he took me shopping to buy a suit and tie.

Needless to say...

This was me then.



This is me now.

Let's see Starbucks try and turn down my application this time!

On working a temp job

Half-days at work are great, until you realize that you only make half as much money.

pink!

<3 <3 <3 <3

On superior drinkability with a splash of 100% lime flavor

Even though it is already late August, it seems like every time I turn on the TV I still end up seeing this commercial and this this commercial. Nevermind how horrible the beer undoubtedly is and how corny the "summer fun" scenes look, I want to talk about the music.

Both ads feature songs by Santogold, a singer who is actually very good. I don't know how to feel about this. Should I be happy that a good artist is being recognized, or should I be angry that music I enjoy is being used to hock a disgusting product? And will it ever be possible to enjoy those songs without feeling stupid for listening to beer commercial music?

I had a similar experience with this ad a few months ago, featuring The Funeral by Band of Horses. I had that song on an old mix in my car, and as I was driving with my cousin he asked "is this that [expletive] song from the car commercial?" It didn't matter that I had made the mix and enjoyed the song long before the commercial came out, I was still the guy that listens to music from car commercials, and I felt like an asshole because that is a very lame guy to be.

A worse moment came at a party this past spring, a party which I made a misguided attempt to DJ. I played the song My Favorite Mutiny by the Coup, a song I liked very much, and a guy came up to me and said "Hey isn't this the song from that basketball videogame?" Apparently it was, and I had no idea. I was the guy that listens to music from videogames, and I felt like an asshole because that is like the lamest guy possible.

Or is it? Is it lame to listen to music that has been used in such tacky, commercial ways? Should I stop listening to Santogold? Should I go out and buy a whole case of Bud Light with Lime? Should I not have put like a hundred youtube links in this post?

Yes I am easily entertained.

True story: I laugh every time I press this button.

On being an inspiration

After all of the long hours and emotional breakdowns that I have endured for the sake of this blog, I am proud to say that I am finally making a difference in the community. My brilliant prose and impossibly clever wit has inspired my friend Lauren to cast off the shackles of the workaday world and join me in the lol blogosphere.

Way back in August of 2008 when I started my blog, I had a feeling that someday I would be heralded for my uplifting spirit and motivational heroism. For I do indeed consider myself an American Hero.

So now when you are telling all your friends, coworkers, and relatives about this great new blog you read (and I am assuming that everyone who reads this post will do exactly that), make sure to mention that it is a Life Changing Blog. And also feel free to talk about how handsome I am.

Santa Clausy Claus

The video for Santa Claus Goes Straight To The Ghetto by Snoop Doggy Dogg (not Snoop Dogg). That beard is the greatest thing I have ever seen.

Tapes 'n Tapes (the music format, not the band)

My ipod broke the other day. It had a long life, but it was still a very sad moment. It was made even more sad by the fact that when an ipod is broken it literally shows a frowny-face on the screen. Way to rub it in, Apple.

The one place I will really miss my ipod is in my car. It has a tape deck instead of a CD player, and since I didn't have any tapes, using the ipod with one of those itrip devices was the only way to play my own music. Faced with a new, ipod-less world, I did the obvious thing. I went down to Cheapo Records and bought a bunch of really sweet tapes!

Kid 'n Play - 2 Hype











You may recognize these two ruffians from their energetic "House Party" series of movies. But in addition to their outstanding thespian skills, they each have a remarkable ability to rhyme words in a rhythmic fashion. It is really quite extraordinary.

Standout Song: "Rollin' With Kid 'n Play"

Mr. Magic's Rap Attack, Volume 3 - Various Artists











I somehow managed to buy an unopened copy of this tape, which is slightly odd since it was released in 1987. No human hands have touched this tape in over 20 years. I felt kind of like Indiana Jones when I peeled off the plastic. Anyways, all I have to say about this is that Mr. Magic you have done it again!!!

Standout Song: You Be Illin' (Remix) by Run D.M.C.

Christmas on Death Row - Various Artists











Back in 1996, I asked Santa Claus to force Suge Knight to create a Christmas album featuring everyone on the Death Row record label. Until I saw this in the store, I thought that I had been too naughty that year and that Santa had rejected my wish. Thank God I was wrong!
This amazing album starts out with Snoop Doggy Dogg doing the infamous Bing Crosby classic "Santa Claus Goes Straight to the Ghetto," and continues with some of the best holiday music that the West Side has ever seen.

Standout Song: "Frosty the Snowman" by 6 Feet Deep


I bought some other tapes, but these are my three favorites. I will treasure them forever, and I can't wait to listen to them on the drive to work tomorrow!

Oh wait, I don't work tomorrow because I don't have a real job. It's a good thing I spent all this money on cassette tapes.

I apparently have a blog now.

A high-powered business-type told me today that if I want to get a writing/editing job, starting a blog might be a good way to establish myself as a writer without the hassle of getting professionally published. Apparently if you are confident enough, you can put your blog on your resume now. That sounds a little strange, but it also makes a certain amount of sense. So here I am, typing away at my very own blog! Houston, this is Blogpollo 13, permission to enter the Blogosphere! LOL!

I don't read too many blogs, so I wasn't entirely sure how to start my own. I imagined that most blogs began with the author saying things like "nobody will ever read this," and "i (sic) dont (sic) know wat (sic) i (sic) am doing." I obviously figured that most blog writers (I refuse to use the term 'bloggers') didn't know how to spell or capitalize properly.

I decided to look at some other randomly chosen blogs for inspiration. It didn't really help, but I made a discovery: you can take just about any word in the English language and put ".blogspot.com" after it and it will be someone's weird, abandoned blog. A few examples, chosen from words I heard on TV in the past few minutes:

frankenstein.blogspot.com -The Ivanhoe Game as played by Professor McGann's students with the text of Mary Shelley's ''Frankenstein.''
I don't know what "The Ivanhoe Game" is, but apparently in the fall of 2000 Professor McGann forced her students to write letters from the perspective of characters from Frankenstein.

dramatically.blogspot.com - The blog of several teenaged girls, just trying to get by in this crazy thing they call reality.
This one hasn't been in use since 2003, which is unfortunate because it showed a lot of promise. The fearless authors tackled the tough issues, like teen drinking ("It's like an AA group without the alchohol!!!"), teen sex ("Remeber DON'T EVER HAVE SEX. I was thinkingabout that today and sex is a really nasty concept......"), and of course the corruption and corporatization of the media and entertainment industries ("wondering whether I should keep my webpage a Sailor Moon fanfic site or make it a manga encyclopedia information thing").

velvet.blogspot.com - hah.
This only has one entry, dated November 12, 2000, and it's only one word: "sleepy."

Try it yourself, it's really fun! Really fun for me, at least. But I am the type of person that spends hours and hours watching YouTube videos and reading Wikipedia articles, and I realize that not everybody is so easily entertained.

So in conclusion, I have a blog now, nobody will ever read this, and i dont know wat i am doing. And there are a lot of weird and defunct blogs out there. I hope this doesn't end up as one of them.